What to do when a family member or loved one goes vegan

I have heard people describe their friend, family member, or even their own child as a pain, picky, ridiculous, making things hard on the family, or causing problems because they decided to go vegan.

Your daughter, your family member, your friend or loved one has decided not to eat animals or their products anymore most likely because they realize that what happens to all animals used for food is horrible for that animal.  And you fully understand.  Here is how:

You care about animals.  Most people care about at least one animal so I will choose dogs as the example.  Would you ever describe yourself as a pain, picky, ridiculous, making things hard on the family or a problem maker if you decide:

Not to eat dog or dog gravy

Not to eat dog breast milk or dog ovum

Of course not because that is an animal that you care about.  You’re not picky or a pain. You are someone who cares.  You would never be ok with eating a dog or its milk or eggs and especially knowing that all animals used for food including milk and egg animals are slaughtered.  Especially not if you have ever witnessed such slaughter . . .

My guess is you would not gather around the dead body of a dog with bread stuffed inside of it for a holiday meal.  And you would never see yourself as separating yourself from the family.  You would see it as the family separating from you for doing such a thing and expecting you to be part of it.

Same dog as below, one year after rescue.  Age 13 today alive and healthy.

You care about animals.  You know what it feels like especially when you see how some people treat dogs.  It hurts your heart.  It’s so disturbing.

So if you’re not a pain because you won’t eat an animal that you care about, then why is someone else a pain when they won’t?

What we have here is a person who cares just the same as you.  But you are not treating your friend, family member or loved one the same way you expect them to treat you.  You do not expect anyone to serve you dog.  Because you care about dogs.  You do not expect to sit around the table where a dog is on a platter in the middle.  But you expect someone you love to do so; to sit at a table where the dead body of an animal they care about is laid out.  You expect them to eat foods that contain only a ‘little’ of the animals they care about.  But would you eat a lasagna with only a little bit of dog in it?  Or a soup with only a little bit of a dog’s breast milk in it?  Especially knowing this meant death for both that mother dog and her baby?  As all milk and egg animals are sent to the kill floor of the slaughterhouse after a few short years of life, often decades short of their normal nature given lifespan.

Why is it ok for you to act like a vegan with respect to the animals you care about, but not ok for a vegan to act the exact same way about the animals they care about? Is it because the animals they care about are not the same animals that you care about?  That you will not recognize the same feelings in someone else as valid unless they are about the exact same thing?  In reality, they are the exact same thing:  an animal.

This new vegan in your life is no different from you.  They are simply caring about all animals instead of just a few.  And you can easily relate because inside of us all are these same feelings for animals that we care about.  This is your chance to value your friend or family member and to show them that you are equitable.  That you will not expect them to gather around or eat an animal they care about because you would never ever be ok with someone expecting that of you.

To relate to your new friend simply put a dog, or any animal you truly care about, into the scenario.  Ask yourself: Would I be ok with that?  If not, don’t expect your friend or loved one to be ok with it either.

What to do when someone you know goes vegan?  Just treat them the same way you want to be treated.  You are a wonderful person, a caring person, and I promise your friendship or relationship will blossom and not be hindered so long as we stick to what is probably the most important principle also known as the Golden Rule:

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

You are wonderful.  You are kind.  You care.  And you are important to your new vegan person.  They love you and hope you will understand.  I know it’s hard because I have been on both sides but really, we are on the same side.  And that is what I hope for all wonderful kind relatives and friends of vegans to see.  That we are the same and the difference between us is only in how many animals we care about and not that we care or how we care.  The caring and how we feel about animals is exactly the same.  The person who identifies as vegan is simply saying “I care about them all in the same way I used to truly care about only a few”.

~Peace